. I shed MANY tears. My throat always feels like Ive swallowed a big gobstopper. I try to act normal and sometimes its really hard. Its been two years as of June 2 that I lost my husband, soulmate and best friend. Grief counselling for me in next 3m which helped build confidence. I had to sell my house I could not afford it so put it on the market 3 months after he passed, sold it and moved 6 months after my life had be turned upside down. We were together for 47 years he was my best friend. @@i lost my daughter May 2, 2018. tractable in google analytics You never forget, you just learn how to deal with the pain and heartache. Saying Im sorry for your loss doesnt cut it but being thru situations Im sorry youre lost because I know I am. I have moments of happiness with my grandkids, but when they go home and Im alone, I just want to disappear. foward with the huge hole in my We where married for 29 years. Pray. Idk what to do anymore. He listens. I mean she depended on me 100% for feeding, hygiene, toileting. So be it. Its like a scar that sometimes bleeds. She passed after 8 months. I lost my wife/soulmate/angel and anchor August 2018 to shocking lung and brain cancer. After Losing the Love of My Life, I'm Dating for the First Time in Decades. He left behind a 5 year old boy. Plismy husband passed away at the beginning of this year from brain tumor after being together for almost one mnth now his gone and its the second mnthits just hurts and a headache and making me cry all nitei dnt know wat to do ..i need advice.. He was my soul mate, we did evrything together except our jobs. He was 45, and had suffered no symptoms until is was far too late. We always hold my hand whether , We were watching TV, Driving in the car or going for a walk. Went to grief group, it helped a little, but like you at the end of the day your still alone. I too have a friend that Ive known for over 40 years. But you learn that youll survive them. I know I will have to carry this pain around until I die too, because it will never ease. "A year without you has felt like an eternity. Cry everyday and pray everyday for strength and hope. Linda and Anndont you wish people like ourselves could do things with each other when we are going through a difficult time? It still hurts and i wish it didnt. I know exactly what you mean. We had no idea our child was depressed or suicidal. I dont think Ive really dealt with this. I think the only thing worse would be the lose of a child that is the club I never want to be a part of. I lose my husband two weeks ago. I cant begin to describe how heartbroken I am and the second year is the toughest. I never imagined I would grieve so hard. If the second year is worst than the first I do t know if Ill survive. But Istill had hope. I dont know many widows that are my age, Im 60. every day is a challenger i hate waking up in the morning, I do try to go out and see friends but it really doesnt help, Im not sure how much longer I can continue like this, it has to get a little better I can only hope. is worse the waves of gut wrenching Plant a tree a Leland cypress and watch your love grow and remember him in nature. Reading all of the comments on this forum I just dont feel that my grief is normal- I love and miss him so so much so just dont understand how I can just carry on with my life and am not at breaking point anymore. But it doesnt oh yes maybe the tears dont flow as much. Hi my name is Robin and Im having a difficult time 1.5 year post the loss of 1 of 2 of my sisters my big sissysas I called them Lisa passed 9 years ago as she fought 2 weeks in a coma,where I stayed by her side singing to her reading and talking to her as lupus slowly shut down all of her organs.I know she heard me because a single tear rolled down her face while there was still some brain activity but she wasnt coming back and I had to say goodbye to my beautiful loving and kind 47 year old sister who was 9 years older than me.It hit me hard I had no grandparent death to prepare me as I had none my parents were both orphans at the ages of 9.My world changed in October of 2012 in an instant although it didnt hit me right away as I was working 12 hour days as a single mother trying to put my life back together after 23 years of an abusive marriage which failed and we ended up divorcing that December of 2012.I wasnt alone thru that i had Kimberly my other big sissy who was 11 years older than me.We were there for each other to lean on and cry with..comfort. I would like to contact to Emma J Andrews. I dont know whats gonna happen. Please dont do that. He got very angry but we never stopped loving each other . She was simply the best person I ever knew. Thank you all for sharing your stories of grief. It's been one month since my Mom has passed from her stage IV Lung Cancer. We were together for 48 years, did everything together, and lived for each other. (pdf) Introduction Congress is fast approaching the need to take action on the nation's statutory debt limit, often referred to as the debt ceiling. The waves never stop coming, and somehow you dont really want them to. 2 likes. They say it will get easier, man I hope it does. I remember the 1st year being a blur. Sleep offers solace, music can be painful, but books are my refuge. I go to the grave site daily. I am more aware of the many blessings I have & have learned to cherish every moment of my life. Still, I never felt more alone. I have tried to be strong, to work through the loss, taken on a healthier lifestyle, spend time with friends, dress up and put on my makeup, work hard yet I am left feeling empty. There is hope; the sun does shine again. I am conflicted as I proceed. Four months after her death my 32 year old nephew died of a drug over dose. I feel like Im back at stage 1. I dont dream or have visions that bring me peace. Nothing has ever hurt so much and felt so hopeless. I pray daily that God would take me so that I could be with my wife. Praying at night sends me off to sleep. But I wish he will come back . Most I am more alone in Han ever except for me little gang of adorable dogs. So nothing. I stayed angry with her and sometime my step children because they covered for her. I dont know when either of us will find hope or joy again. I wish Good would hear my prayers and take me away. I also wonder if the fact that I just turned 60 this summer, dont have much other close family, unable to work & my life restricted by disability, pain levels & not driving, are added in to the mix. Maybe I am just waking up to the reality that suffering is unavoidable and that pretending away death does a disservice to everyone including myself as it makes me bitter and more resentful. I want to thank everyone that has posted above, it makes you realize that it isnt just you and the people that says you have to move on, find a purpose just flat out dont understand. Twenty eight years of marriage was not enough. Now nearly two years later I still miss him ddearly. Birthday Calculator - Find when you are 1 billion seconds old. Im still waiting for the Universe show me the way. I felt like it was me who died the first year and I was a ghost in my own life. Hi everyone. As far as these holidays coming up, i dont know how to get thru these,,,i feel time flying by as far as missing out, and yet its also dragging when it comes to healing. My husband of 54 yrs. I know I will never be the same but hope to try to feel better with time. Grief in year 2 for my mother which is very difficult, and is equally difficult grieving for my gr-mother. I lived on chicken nuggets and pop tarts for the first year. I have her ashes in the kitchen, where she loved to be. We are all different and you will find your path somehow through this grief. I will spend it alone. January 31st 2020 will be the 1st year of my honeys death. Every moment I remember her, not a single day after she left I did not crymy family/friends say you must move on. I still shed a tear for her and look forward to the day I see her again in heaven. I rember the first few days after mums passing I thought I could hear my mums foot steps walking with me, I thought I could see zmy mum in the streets to me she was still here. Nothing seems to bring us any comfort or happiness. We were married 23 years. We were living in St. Louis when he was diagnosed with GBM-Brain cancer on November 2015. The song comes five months after the artist's mother, Suzanne Olmstead, passed away in November 2021. 2. amen No words to make it better I would if i could. Yes Tania. Sometimes he can't sleep at night and stay wide awake at 4am thinking about her. Of course, other times the pain is raw and I can not imagine going forward without her. Javier Zarracina/Vox. Lisa Zaleski, who lives in White Lake, Mich., confronted the unimaginable, first losing her daughter, Sydney, in June 2017 at the age of 23 in a car accident, then her son Robert in December 2019 . My heart goes out to all of you. - Unknown. Just unquestioning everything and analysing everything. Next month is a two year mark that I lossed my only child, my little girl. We were short 5 people for holiday dinner in one year. "The bad news is time flies. And I still miss you, I can't image life without you. I have no one else in this world. I just cant believe hes gone. I am 75, married 44 years to the sweetest , caring man one could ask for. I try to stay busy but most of the time its just around our house. Id have to agree; like a winter season goes, your heart is dormant. Nicely written by Emma J Andrews. Which is understandable. Take care of yourself. Regardless she of 37 years marriage and 6 years of love prior is gone and so was I actually the day of diagnosis in June. Im 67 now. Then, I felt nothing. Has anyone else experienced a strong feeling of depression after months of grief? It changes. No matter how my day is going, Im constantly knocked off guard with just one person, me, doing things that we used to do and not two. For a while, all you can do is float. When I say I miss my husband; the words I miss him, mean so much more than what those 3 words are portraying. Hang in there for you and family. The pain is unbearable. I am at 29 months of losing my bff. We were told of the poor prognosis but we soldiered on and thought she would somehow wake up and get better. In fact, a week after diagnosis (and at that time we didnt know the prognosis) the tumour haemorrhaged and 2 weeks after diagnosis, he died. The memories we've made will go on and on. Ive always suffered from anxiety, though have been mentally strong & lived through bringing up a disabled child, without a lot of support. Havent worked since. I still wake up in the morning thinking it's a nightmare and you're not really gone. I understand your raw feelings and intense pain. I will be praying for both of us. I dont mean Im suicidal, but I feel like a rudderless ship being blown aimlessly about on an endless ocean. But the assumption for most is that as long as they can get through that, it should be smoother sailing in the days ahead. It was completely unexpected as he was fairly young and never had health issues. Bit it is difficult if not impossible journey to take by yourself, after suddenly losing someone you have loved & been with for over 30 years. After I woke up from my overdose, I went through intense counseling. I lost my Dad in February of 2016. I cant say I know how you feel for every bereavement is utterly personal, but when I mentioned to my brother that I was crying so much and surprised at myself (not being a great crier) he said Well you cant just shrug off 45 years of togetherness can you? I am tired all the time, cant get rid of this upper respiratory infection, and have gained back most of the Okay, I am a big baby when it comes to being in pain. I also never realized during the entire course of me caring for her, how fearful I was of getting sick. Especially the what ifs and could I have done more for him and remembering his courage during cancer treatment even at the time of his passing. I just want five minutes with my mum. . Year number 1 I was numb. I feel that its not fair to her or myself. Its been almost two years since I found him. I am taking that as progress through the storm. It didnt end up good as i hadnt even started to grieve yet. I just want him back. What has kept me going through this time is remembering that he would want me to be strong and keep going for him. He passed on January 28, 2018. )the two dogs were winning for mamma. We only had 4 weeks from his diagnosis to his death, so it was all terribly fast. He was 36yrs old. I too, was 54 and now in my second year of grief. My scars are a testament to the love and the relationship that I had for and with that person. My sincerest condolences to you with the loss of your husband. 6. I hate that he left so unexpectedly and I never had a chance to tell him goodbye or that I loved him so much. Unfortunately I dont have a circle of friends and people I meet seem to think that Im fine as I wear that face which says Im getting on with things ok. At some point, you may even feel angry at your spouse for leaving you. I still cry daily but Im told thats not how it is for everyone. On top of it all, the flashbacks of seeing him in the pool came often and took me to my knees every time. I do believe in the resurrection and have faith that we will meet again. What followed her death was aweful . I feel like I want to lay in bed all day and would be perfectly content doing just that. I need one that tells me when we will be together again. There are no rules about how you . We were married 47 years. very low bounce rate The second year was guilt as I moved further from her friends and family (honestly, we moved from each other). People tell me i have to move on. But I miss my husband so much- its so hard ach and every day to continue on. Im still trying to somehow soothe their pain, their need and its getting harder by the day. (My sister and my dad helped, too.) I dont feel like I will get better, I feel like I will get worse. As painful and intense as the mourning was, it was when I felt closest to him and the best way I could find to say, I love you. And so, when grief came knocking I answered. I think about her every single day. For example, the function returns "4 months" between the dates 9/30/15 and 2/28/16 (even though the 28th is the last day of the month). So, my big brother ended his life in May of 2019. he was a comic style artist and left me hundreds of incredible images and left me with the nagging sadness of wondering if I could have done something different to change his outcome. I always go to sleep hoping God we let me see her in a vision or dream. Its the awful realization that she is really gone and will never return and be a part of my life again. I dont know at the moment what the day will provide. I miss him deeply . Scars are only ugly to people who cant see. Interesting about the feathers too. I have been travelling a lot, which helps, have lovely, helpful children and friends, so many blessings, but this is like being punished and in many ways I feel I deserve it, I would like a cat or dog, something living around the house, but I go away so much. He was just a well God given person put together. The other daughter from another marriage and she gave us three beautiful grandchildren Tyler 16 Dominic is turning in today and beautiful Savannah who just turned 3 every time I spend time with those children and I see, I too, lost my beloved husband two years ago. This is good to know. Find a way to make the break to a little high ground here and there away from the depth of the loss and eventually, that ground will come to you a little more often. I cry my eyes out almost everyday. Im angry at everyone, especially myself. What if he knew he was sick and just didnt want me to know? I cook dinners, I help with homework, I give hugs. Some days I still feel so depressed he was my best friend. Not sure how to deal with this anymore. She died at the age of six from a 1 in a million chance disorder called fires. It will soon be my 2nd Christmas without him and IT HURTS!!! I sat with her for a week in palliative care, with my dad. But they didnt get chance to sell it before dad just suddenly fell and passed away. I am trying to live in hope that things will get better. I know how you feel! I understand perfectly. I was 18 when we got together. I kept two puppies and suddenly have 4 dogs that I enjoy, more than church more than people. I am functioning okaytaking care of my responsibilities. She has no idea what this loss feels like, what your love felt like, or what is right for you. Sorry this is so long. Be patient with yourself. I keep telling myself that he would want nothing more than for me to live out my life in a way that is rich and full. So much its crazy. My husband was only 51. No he said and as he sat on the chair with his head on my chest and me rubbing his back he looked up at me and said well maybe it is my heart and took his last breath. But I will say that youll come to see the pain differently, itll mutate and one day youll find that the furst thing you do when you think of him or hear his name is smile, not cry. Instead of it being sharp its full and aching. He had cancer. My prayers go out for all the ones who have lost a loved one. I truly wasnt planning to fall in love like I did with Richard. Its even worse cuz he was a body builder and him losing all his strength in front of me has devastated me h was so strong they it all. Well a couple months after he was killed. I managed him somehow . I stay busy. He and I have no extended family -so it was just us and our girls. Everything seems meaningless. the second year, im finding, is lonely. I speak to him every day! He did always know who I was and also his daughters even at the end. We just put one foot in front of the other, dont we? The second year I think in some ways So. I was a young 54, when he was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer (non smoker). It's been 20 years since you passed. I understand the empty feeling, the terrible ache. That was when I died- I ask of God the same- Why leave me? Any advise? I have a 22 yr old daughter who lives with me and a 24 yr old son who lives with friends . I lost my only child june3rd 2017 she was 22 from heroin I found her I do not want to live she was my only reason for living she was my life. Its way too much of a hassle! So not get confused by readings and spiritual books, everything you need to know you already know AND if I get to the end of my life and there isnt anything else but being reunited graveside and no knowledge of it, I still will feel better for the illusion of togetherness than the reality of separation. I am doing new and different things to try and have a life, i enjoy these pursuits for a while, but everything seems so pointless when i return to our empty home, and the indescribable loneliness. He was honestly the best thing that ever happened to me life was finally good. However, Ive lost my father, mother, cousin whom in my heart was my brother. Its the hardest thing to go through. But was suppose to be ok. I just feel as if I have been abandoned and lonely. The pain is immense, there is no recipe or road map for this and most of no quick fix. Still no cause has been found. My heart is breaking. My mother passed 9 months after daddy after years of suffering from Alzheimers. Ignore them but do not hold it in. My name is Dustin. even though she had been ill a long time she was taken in an Time so far has not lessened the loss even though I am involved in many activities outside the home, he is always there. Two years on it still breaks my heart my two children have been wonderful and my grand-daughters keep me going but I find it ooo so hard. I keep thinking if I pray hard enough, wish hard enough and love hard enough, he will come back to me. I sometimes now find it hard to walk down a street that holds. Im basically still just going through the motions, something in my soul cracked this year when i lost them. no one understands and I often find myself pretending to others everything is fine. I just survive praying to God that one day we will be united. Getting in touch with other widows/ widowers has helped, though. I pray to the Lord that he treats you as kindly as you treated us. . He didnt need to say a word his eyes and actions were everything. I took care of her. I miss my best friend so much and really feel I cant talk with anyone about what I feel going into this 2nd year. We all know that with life there is death. Four months he fought from diagnosis to him passing. He was my heart and it was only 4 years and 7 months but he was my everything. I can only say that with time, the pain and heartache will always be there, it just mellows with time. Thats hard at 69 . After being with him for over half my life. Itll be 2 years in August since my husband passed away and my life has changed forever.I long to join him but know I have to keep going one step at a time one breath at a time. May God help us all. But it cant make the feelings and emotions go away all together. I lost my mom nearly 10 months ago. It has not. I feel like time has stopped as I am in a complete never ending story of several emotions at one time. Never would I have thought that things were going to happen the way they did. I wish there was a bigger word than love that could describe how I felt for her. I was 32 and I feel like I went to sleep and woke up to find that Im about to be 35. Who had before been in and out of hospitals. I wonder if it will ever get better. Im now starting the 2nd year after the sudden loss of the love of my life. Somewhere down the line, and its different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. I lost my husband of 43 years on June 2016, on our sons 24th birthday. Im tired of my sister telling me to pull myself up by my bootstraps, and get back to living. I move from day to day and find some confidence that I have made it this far (although I dont really care) and other people have too. & loving companion passed 18 months ago. Memories or to go into a coffee shop. But I realised life has to carry on. Sudden death is what they called it, his kind and gentle heart just stopped beating. Therapy has really helped integrate my anger. We all will walk this path our own way, its the most difficult challenge of ones life. I feel so hopeless and Im just tired of feeling like this. We have another child to care for, but It is so hard to simply function at even a basic level now. Do you have any suggestions as to how I can push myself to get past this hurdle. There is such sadness and emptiness. Why am I so weak when I should be strong knowing that we always have to lose someone.
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